It’s been almost a year since I made myself so sick I thought I was checking out.  There were a few days there when I wasn’t quite sure if I had a future.  Lying in bed I found myself making deals with God.  I claimed that if I got to live, I would invest my life force in to the deepest asking of my life; love’s deepest asking.

Love’s deepest asking to me, meant listening to my heart and spirit and following the pull to what I most loved.  To follow what I knew in my heart I was here to do.  As I learned how to heal myself, and began to gain my strength back I stayed close to my promise in whatever way I could.

The promise was this: to bring music in to my life, the lives of others and in to the world through my passion for producing my music based visions.  The “burn” in staying with this promise was that I’d really have to take up my long held fears which placed this activity at bay.  While I had touched on my music dreams a lot over the years, it was always the “side dish” to the main course of my life.  Keeping music on the periphery, I never had to dive too deep in to my painful beliefs and childhood wounding that dictated that I couldn’t really have what I most wanted.

The beliefs went something like this: I’ve got to take care of my mom, dad and older brother so I can feel safe and maybe get the love I need.  I’ve got to keep the peace in this family because there’s rage and terror in the space.  Being the youngest child, I did this by moving in to the position of emotional care taking.  As a caretaker, I didn’t have room or energy to be an artisan / musician.  I’d been doing this role ever since in almost all of my relationships up until last year when I turned 50 and had my healing crisis.

How I became so sick was that I summoned it, only I didn’t realize it.  Most days I awoke with a sense of adventure and inspiration for the day.  I had a wonderful connection with Spirit, meditated most mornings and had been leading a professional spiritual practice for over 20 years.  I gained the training I needed to do professionally and in a right way, what I assigned myself to do in my family.  I gained the skills and tools to guide people in to a depth of self-empowered healing.  While getting great at my profession, I endeavored to always work on myself too.  You see, along with my positive minded approach in my life, I was accompanied by a constant feeling of terror in my lower belly.  It felt like a ball of electrical energy providing a nervous, frenetic undercurrent to my life….every day.

I began to get curious about what this undercurrent was, instead of continuing to stay just ahead of it in my purposefully constructed busy lifestyle.  I started asking questions, meditating longer and feeling this sensation more fully.  It was definitely terror, locked in my body.  I began to make requests of the Universe, God, and Spirit.  I wanted to be done with this energy, whatever it took, I wanted to be free.  I wanted to be released from my self-assigned childhood position.  I forgot to ask for a “gentle” healing.

The crisis level of my healing experience lasted for a few months.  On the days I wasn’t sure if I was truly going to make it out the other side, I dove deep in to the emotional pain I’d managed to stay ahead of for all those years, even though I was doing layers of the needed work.  This was the abyss stuff.

So, here I am, one year later.  Through that deep healing, my body is clear of the terror it carried.  I felt that clear space grow as I gained my strength back into the summer of 2011.  I stayed with my word, stopped care taking behavior when I  noticed it arise and began to explore how I could bring music more in to the front and center of my life.  My aim was to let my professional spiritual practice become secondary to that focus.

What has been revealing itself since then is the call to start performing again.  This calling has teaching components as well.  I’ve always loved bringing people together for musical events that have purpose and an element of service.  This is how my program Hit The Stage was born.  This program has many branches to it and the thread running through it is to give teens a place to discover who they really are and to develop their creative expression through the musical arts.  One of the results of this is that as teens become self-resourced and self-empowered, they choose their well-being and artistic self-expression over drugs, alcohol and trouble.  I love this.

About two months ago I recognized that there was a deeper pull coming from within me.  In meditation I could sense the body memory of having that healing crisis.  I could feel the question arising:  “So, what is the love’s deepest asking now?”  I could feel the hum of wanting. Something was wanting to be born, something that was a next level of my commitment to live in to my purpose.

What I wanted was bigger than I could handle. I saw that I couldn’t do it alone and my promise to do my dream and stay well was in my face.  Having a workaholic background, staying well is important to me.

The deepest asking that arose was this: create a teen and adult blended band that could put on a great show and start playing out in the community.  The mission is to offer teens a self-empowerment, self-resourcing program through music and mentorship as an alternative to drug and alcohol use.  This is at the heart of Hit The Stage (as opposed to hit the streets).  One of the key pieces is that all of the band members are paid for their performances.  I also know that long term sustainability is necessary for this program.

While I was seeing this in my meditation and loving the feeling of it in my heart, I didn’t know how I was going to bring it forward.  I decided to ask for it to become so, like I did last year in asking for the healing of the terror, only this time I asked for gentleness.  I requested that this current deepest asking of my life be materialized in a grace-filled manner.

Since this all arose two months ago, I’ve been guided through new ways of learning to receive.  Being a care taker, giver type personality, this is a tall order.  Guidance in my meditations directed me to start to work with the tools and practices taught in my manifesting program Soul Centered Wealth.  I know, it’s crazy, it’s a program I developed and taught for years which consistently yielded awesome results for myself and anyone else doing it…..and here I was avoiding it.  I was avoiding it because I wasn’t ready to handle what it might bring and I already had enough on my plate.

Since I promised to stay with this current calling of love’s deepest asking, I followed the promptings from within and opened myself up to learning a new way to receive.  My prayer was this, “Ok God, since I don’t know how to receive very well, take me through it.  Cause me to receive all the goodness being brought to me here (gently please) and unfold this dream in to being.” 

With this, I felt inspired to write a small piece for my Sunday Blessings that are broadcast from my website each week to those registered. I wrote about learning to receive more than we’re used to.  I usually write from what my experience is so this seemed honest and valuable for maybe more people than just myself.

I received quite a few comments from that broadcast, it obviously touched something for my readers. Among my readers are some authors, teachers and visionaries that I quietly consider my mentors and way showers, even if they don’t know that.  So I was kind of blown away to hear from these fairly well known people who were giving me kudos for speaking my truth. For me, this was a lot to receive and I felt encouraged to go forth!

Let me note here that while I love training teens for the stage, and I love rehearsing and performing, I don’t love the business aspects of this.  I am slow at and need help with marketing, producing materials, social media, creating a business plan and all the seemingly endless details related with these activities.  These are the areas that are life sapping for me and yet they are the foundation pieces for success.

It came to me to apply the Soul Centered Wealth techniques to ask for specific help with these areas since I was learning to receive beyond what I was used to. I used the tool of “calling in” the teammates and partners to my own hearts deepest asking.  I asked for the arrival of my soul team; those who were already in agreement with helping me to launch this dream.  Then the dam broke loose.

Over this last week, on a daily basis I’ve received demonstration after demonstration of people showing up to carry this dream with me. Talk about learning to receive beyond what I’m used to!  It would take me writing a whole entire book to explain what has transpired.  I would like to share a sense of it.

As each of these connections showed up my main practice in the moment was to check in with myself on my ability to stay put and receive.  That looked like taking a breath and asking myself this question; “Is it ok to receive this much support for my dream right now?” This helped me feel what was going on fully, even if some fear of receiving was in my space.  This practice helped me to remain open to receive right in the moment as “miracles” came calling.

In the last seven days I’ve learned to receive the following: profound healing sessions centered on receiving my good; unexpected monies to pay others to do initial marketing for Hit The Stage; the owner of a new venue offering me a fabulous discount to rent her location -allowing me to hold my programs at her exquisite establishment; my “more experienced in business” brother guiding me in writing up my ideas for inviting business sponsorships; a marketing shaker and mover in my community single handedly taking my pages of notes and orchestrating beautiful marketing materials out of them; quite a few people ready to sell advanced tickets to my April 20th first time event and my very first business sponsor.

With all of this in place, and my having a free night, I decided to go to a party last night which was filled with awesome folks. I thought about bringing show tickets to sell, and then I thought that I might need a night off completely from this project, so I let that go.  The thing is, every time I was asked, “What’s up with you these days, I haven’t seen you around much?” what came pouring out of me was the whole story. I shared about last year’s healing crisis, following love’s deepest asking in my life and my excitement about my new teen / adult band – Local Motion – having their first upcoming gig.  I shared my truth openly, without an agenda and I was fully received, only to be met by sponsorship offerings for my program and requests for tickets.

I did a lot of practice last night, trying to take this entire thing  in. “Am I ok receiving this much support for my dream?”   I finally sat on the couch to listen to the live music, and digest all the goodness.  I was sitting next to two women I didn’t know.  They were radiant, just shining with a sparkle as if having a wonderful secret.  One of the women leaned over and asked me if I’d like to come to a party and draw a naked man.

This was a curve ball to my line of thought, I had absolutely no frame of reference for her invitation. Did she mean draw on his body? No offense but this is Boulder after all.  Did she mean artistic drawing? Was this ultimately a sex event? I kind of sat there with my mouth open, not formulating any words with which to respond. After a few suspended moments she pointed to a nearby man and noted that he was involved. I assumed he was the man to be drawn. It was time to ask questions.

It turns out that he is an art teacher who is going to teach a live model drawing class as a fundraiser for her school programs. It turns out that she is involved in programming to get high school students off of drugs, alcohol and off the streets, through high school and in to college.  It turns out that she had just spoken to her board about the fact that the program has no music education and she wants to bring that piece in.  It turns out that everything Hit The Stage stands for and implements is what she’s looking for.

It turns out that I have to do a lot more practice to be able to receive this latest demonstration.  We’re to talk later today and no, I’m not going to draw a naked man.

All of this brings me to this moment where I am sharing my story with you. I do this for several reasons: I’m still trying to get that this is all really happening and writing helps me integrate this.  I am hopeful that I might bring some inspiration to you for your own courage to follow love’s deepest asking in your life.  I want you to be aware of Hit The Stage and the upcoming show and participate if you feel so called, however you are moved.  I also want to share that I’ll be co-teaching a teleclass on Manifesting, Miracles and Meditation soon and would love to have you enroll and enjoy.

At this moment, I am most grateful to have practices to help me learn to keep receiving.  I am learning that I have all the support I need if I only ask for it.  I am also very grateful to you, for reading this blog. It was a long one, however necessary.

May showers of blessings greet you in your own unfolding.

Danae Shanti www.TheBreathingLife.com
On Facebook: Hit the Stage  
Local Motion’s first dance party: Friday April 20th Boulder (see FB or Rockin Robins website for tickets)

I’m sitting across from a topaz colored ocean in Pacific Grove, California. Seagulls are not only flying overhead, there’s one staring directly at me from the balcony just outside my window. I have decided his name is Henry. No offense to any Henry who happens to be reading this. The fact that I’m here is pretty wonderful considering that this trip came as a gift, unexpectedly and in perfect timing. Writing this blog feels good as it’s coming from the heart of this current demonstration of Love’s Deepest Asking.

You see, last week back in Boulder, I had worked myself in to frenzy, a habit of mine. I do my best to keep my eye on this behavior however it is a well exercised muscle. The “workaholic” in me takes over more often than I’d like to admit. In the midst of my frenzy, I did manage to meditate each morning. One of those mornings my Guidance gently invited me to be with this question: “Are you following love’s deepest asking in your life right now?” I was stopped from my momentum of “doing” by the question. I just stopped. I wondered at how I can move so quickly from deep rooted presence and gentle unfolding to wildly going at it in creating my passionate life. It’s like being on a cosmic caffeine drip and not even recognizing I’m plugged in again, until I notice that I am.

My dearest friend of 18 years gave me the “warning” phone call before leaving on her vacation. She noticed my habit. She wanted to alert me to the fact that I was going at lightning speed “again.” My urge to rip her throat out was a clue to the amount of stress I was running. I don’t think I can chalk this one off to peri-menopause.

So, to the point: after 25 years of helping to guide hundreds of people to living their dreams, I’m still learning how to navigate my own with greater gentleness. It’s not so much the manifesting part that is the difficulty; it’s handling the energy that comes with it.

I know there are people like me, who are empathic and energy sensitive. Some of us have a more wired nervous system and need to be mindful of creating calming, soothing energy. As much as I’ve taught this to others, I need continued reminders for myself. I thought I’d offer this writing as a gentle reminder to those who recognize themselves here.

When Guidance asked me that question in meditation it was a sobering moment. Love’s deepest asking was  about being in warp speed while having my desires materialize. That was my personality at play. When I felt in to the question what I experienced was a welcoming embrace, a place to rest and an invitation in to depth and stillness. Sitting in this, I saw an image of being at the ocean, being lulled by the waves and settling in. This sense and image came for a few days and it felt really good. I took it as a metaphor.

On the third day of sensing the ocean, a friend called with an invitation to join in on a last minute vacation to the coast. This happened to fall into a series of days where I had no business meetings, rehearsals or significant plans. I was “yes!”

Writing this blog now, I am appreciating the ocean and the opportunity of this manifestation. I understand that even as I’m creating the “bigger picture” of my dreams, that the Universe may also have more “in the moment” gifts to offer. I get, once again, that living my dreams are not just for future unfolding…there is the richness of now too. And then there’s Henry, still staring at me through the window…..

N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction

Welcome back to this 7 part series on N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction.  This week I’m offering the final piece of this series and will write about the final letter “R” in the acronym.

The letter “R” in N.U.C.L.E.A.R. stands for “Responding.”  The application is about genuinely responding to ourselves, another and a situation after taking all the previous steps written about in the N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction sequence.

Imagine the response we may be capable of after moving through the sequence of noticing, understanding, choosing, letting go, engaging and appreciating ourselves and another. With (hopefully!) clear energy and full attention we can respond with presence to an interaction instead of remaining stuck in reaction.

Responding to someone means first responding to ourselves and tending to what requires our attention so we may become as clear as possible.

Early in the morning Nancy received a text message from her business partner informing her that their important business meeting had been re-scheduled to that afternoon from later in the week.  Nancy was surprised that Beth would make a unilateral decision like that and found herself feeling put off.

Having experienced training in the N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction work, Nancy took herself through the sequence.

She noticed she felt put off and explored the feeling.  She found that she felt undervalued and controlled as she hadn’t been included in the decision about the change of plans.

Understanding that she felt these things she stopped to check in with her own perceptions about herself and asked some insightful questions: Did she undervalue herself?  Did her voice matter? Why wasn’t she consulted instead of informed?  In her exploration she even pondered the idea that Beth may have been pulling a power play which then made her feel angry.

She contemplated all the choices of perception that were moving through her mind.  She felt the push and pull of concern, anger, insecurity and pressure to now show up for something she wasn’t prepared for.  Aside from all of this, she already had a booking in place for the same time that she didn’t wish to move.

Nancy decided to let go.  She stopped her thinking, took up some slow deep breathing and became still.  She felt all kinds of energy moving in her body and she waited for everything to settle.  Once she felt quiet and calm she moved into a feeling of spaciousness.  There was a feeling of expansion, breathing room so to speak.  A still, small voice arose from within her, suggesting that she love herself in this moment.  Nancy relaxed more deeply and rested in her heart.  A space of softness and wisdom showed up, and then a guiding question:  ‘What would it be like to simply feel what works for you and present that to Beth instead of jumping to make this work for her?”

 Nancy sat with this for a moment.  She recognized that she hadn’t considered the fact that she could make a counter offer to the new plan.  She felt self-respect and fresh energy with this realization.

Nancy engaged this fresh perspective with a renewed heart.  It also dawned on her that she didn’t know why Beth made a change without her. She had been so surprised it hadn’t occurred to her to ask.

Nancy called Beth right away.  She greeted Beth calmly and clearly and said, “Beth, I was surprised to receive your text this morning and wonder what moved you to re-schedule us?”  Beth responded by explaining that the client had another offer to consider and that she felt pressured to close the deal before the competition snagged their big fish.

Nancy understood Beth’s motivation and also knew that Beth tended to be a bit anxious at times.  Nancy appreciated Beth’s choice of action and told her so.   She also noted that she wasn’t available for the new plan. She then invited Beth to relax and envision their original meeting date as a successful event and to trust that it would be so.  Nancy then offered to call the clients to sure up their meeting later in the week.  She also took this opportunity to learn about what the competition was offering.  Now that Nancy had reinstated her own value and worth and was appreciating herself, she knew she could also raise the client’s confidence in their offering.

With her new, genuine appreciation for the clients, her business partner and herself, Nancy called the clients, learned everything she could and confirmed their meeting in two days.  As she spoke with them she inwardly affirmed the positive results and win-win scenario she knew would be the outcome of their meeting.

Nancy called Beth and responded to the opportunity at hand.  She thanked Beth for wanting to save the deal and keep the clients and for doing her best to handle this best way she knew how.  Nancy informed Beth about what she learned  relative to the competition and offered a plan that she knew would be unbeatable in the eyes of their clients.

Beth felt supported and enthusiastic with Nancy’s new insights and plan of action.  Nancy felt pleased with the opportunity for growth that this experience afforded her.

Later that week, contracts were signed and everybody won.

To learn more about Danae’s private consultation work or upcoming Teleseminar / Webinars please visit www.TheBreathingLife.com.  You can also contact Danae at:  DanaeBreathingLife@gmail.com.