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I’m sitting across from a topaz colored ocean in Pacific Grove, California. Seagulls are not only flying overhead, there’s one staring directly at me from the balcony just outside my window. I have decided his name is Henry. No offense to any Henry who happens to be reading this. The fact that I’m here is pretty wonderful considering that this trip came as a gift, unexpectedly and in perfect timing. Writing this blog feels good as it’s coming from the heart of this current demonstration of Love’s Deepest Asking.

You see, last week back in Boulder, I had worked myself in to frenzy, a habit of mine. I do my best to keep my eye on this behavior however it is a well exercised muscle. The “workaholic” in me takes over more often than I’d like to admit. In the midst of my frenzy, I did manage to meditate each morning. One of those mornings my Guidance gently invited me to be with this question: “Are you following love’s deepest asking in your life right now?” I was stopped from my momentum of “doing” by the question. I just stopped. I wondered at how I can move so quickly from deep rooted presence and gentle unfolding to wildly going at it in creating my passionate life. It’s like being on a cosmic caffeine drip and not even recognizing I’m plugged in again, until I notice that I am.

My dearest friend of 18 years gave me the “warning” phone call before leaving on her vacation. She noticed my habit. She wanted to alert me to the fact that I was going at lightning speed “again.” My urge to rip her throat out was a clue to the amount of stress I was running. I don’t think I can chalk this one off to peri-menopause.

So, to the point: after 25 years of helping to guide hundreds of people to living their dreams, I’m still learning how to navigate my own with greater gentleness. It’s not so much the manifesting part that is the difficulty; it’s handling the energy that comes with it.

I know there are people like me, who are empathic and energy sensitive. Some of us have a more wired nervous system and need to be mindful of creating calming, soothing energy. As much as I’ve taught this to others, I need continued reminders for myself. I thought I’d offer this writing as a gentle reminder to those who recognize themselves here.

When Guidance asked me that question in meditation it was a sobering moment. Love’s deepest asking was  about being in warp speed while having my desires materialize. That was my personality at play. When I felt in to the question what I experienced was a welcoming embrace, a place to rest and an invitation in to depth and stillness. Sitting in this, I saw an image of being at the ocean, being lulled by the waves and settling in. This sense and image came for a few days and it felt really good. I took it as a metaphor.

On the third day of sensing the ocean, a friend called with an invitation to join in on a last minute vacation to the coast. This happened to fall into a series of days where I had no business meetings, rehearsals or significant plans. I was “yes!”

Writing this blog now, I am appreciating the ocean and the opportunity of this manifestation. I understand that even as I’m creating the “bigger picture” of my dreams, that the Universe may also have more “in the moment” gifts to offer. I get, once again, that living my dreams are not just for future unfolding…there is the richness of now too. And then there’s Henry, still staring at me through the window…..

N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction

Welcome back to this 7 part series on N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction.  This week I’m offering the final piece of this series and will write about the final letter “R” in the acronym.

The letter “R” in N.U.C.L.E.A.R. stands for “Responding.”  The application is about genuinely responding to ourselves, another and a situation after taking all the previous steps written about in the N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction sequence.

Imagine the response we may be capable of after moving through the sequence of noticing, understanding, choosing, letting go, engaging and appreciating ourselves and another. With (hopefully!) clear energy and full attention we can respond with presence to an interaction instead of remaining stuck in reaction.

Responding to someone means first responding to ourselves and tending to what requires our attention so we may become as clear as possible.

Early in the morning Nancy received a text message from her business partner informing her that their important business meeting had been re-scheduled to that afternoon from later in the week.  Nancy was surprised that Beth would make a unilateral decision like that and found herself feeling put off.

Having experienced training in the N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction work, Nancy took herself through the sequence.

She noticed she felt put off and explored the feeling.  She found that she felt undervalued and controlled as she hadn’t been included in the decision about the change of plans.

Understanding that she felt these things she stopped to check in with her own perceptions about herself and asked some insightful questions: Did she undervalue herself?  Did her voice matter? Why wasn’t she consulted instead of informed?  In her exploration she even pondered the idea that Beth may have been pulling a power play which then made her feel angry.

She contemplated all the choices of perception that were moving through her mind.  She felt the push and pull of concern, anger, insecurity and pressure to now show up for something she wasn’t prepared for.  Aside from all of this, she already had a booking in place for the same time that she didn’t wish to move.

Nancy decided to let go.  She stopped her thinking, took up some slow deep breathing and became still.  She felt all kinds of energy moving in her body and she waited for everything to settle.  Once she felt quiet and calm she moved into a feeling of spaciousness.  There was a feeling of expansion, breathing room so to speak.  A still, small voice arose from within her, suggesting that she love herself in this moment.  Nancy relaxed more deeply and rested in her heart.  A space of softness and wisdom showed up, and then a guiding question:  ‘What would it be like to simply feel what works for you and present that to Beth instead of jumping to make this work for her?”

 Nancy sat with this for a moment.  She recognized that she hadn’t considered the fact that she could make a counter offer to the new plan.  She felt self-respect and fresh energy with this realization.

Nancy engaged this fresh perspective with a renewed heart.  It also dawned on her that she didn’t know why Beth made a change without her. She had been so surprised it hadn’t occurred to her to ask.

Nancy called Beth right away.  She greeted Beth calmly and clearly and said, “Beth, I was surprised to receive your text this morning and wonder what moved you to re-schedule us?”  Beth responded by explaining that the client had another offer to consider and that she felt pressured to close the deal before the competition snagged their big fish.

Nancy understood Beth’s motivation and also knew that Beth tended to be a bit anxious at times.  Nancy appreciated Beth’s choice of action and told her so.   She also noted that she wasn’t available for the new plan. She then invited Beth to relax and envision their original meeting date as a successful event and to trust that it would be so.  Nancy then offered to call the clients to sure up their meeting later in the week.  She also took this opportunity to learn about what the competition was offering.  Now that Nancy had reinstated her own value and worth and was appreciating herself, she knew she could also raise the client’s confidence in their offering.

With her new, genuine appreciation for the clients, her business partner and herself, Nancy called the clients, learned everything she could and confirmed their meeting in two days.  As she spoke with them she inwardly affirmed the positive results and win-win scenario she knew would be the outcome of their meeting.

Nancy called Beth and responded to the opportunity at hand.  She thanked Beth for wanting to save the deal and keep the clients and for doing her best to handle this best way she knew how.  Nancy informed Beth about what she learned  relative to the competition and offered a plan that she knew would be unbeatable in the eyes of their clients.

Beth felt supported and enthusiastic with Nancy’s new insights and plan of action.  Nancy felt pleased with the opportunity for growth that this experience afforded her.

Later that week, contracts were signed and everybody won.

To learn more about Danae’s private consultation work or upcoming Teleseminar / Webinars please visit www.TheBreathingLife.com.  You can also contact Danae at:  Danae@TheBreathingLife.com.

N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction

Welcome back to this 7 part series on N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction.  This week I’m going to write about the sixth letter in our acronym, “A.”

The letter “A” in N.U.C.L.E.A.R. stands for “Appreciating.”  The application is about genuinely appreciating ourselves (and another) for taking the time to care enough to “uplift” an interaction.  It is also important to appreciate that most likely, everyone is doing the best they know how to with who they are and what they have to work with.

This intentional appreciation follows the sequence of engaging the fresh energy after letting go. We arrived at letting go of all energy, perceptions and anticipated movement after noticing and understanding what is happening with ourselves and another when we get triggered.  We already went through the steps of making choices about what direction to focus on, namely love or fear.

Appreciation is a powerful energy that brings a sense of gratitude to the energetic dynamics taking place. Appreciating and gratefulness are like “medicine” for our hearts and souls. They are life-giving energies.  Most books on manifesting will note that an attitude of gratitude and appreciation are key components to creating the life we want.

While in the chaos of moving, my son and I started becoming ensnared in the inevitable power struggle over who knew better how to get the box spring down three flights of stairs.  I knew that I had a lot of experience moving, and that he had less, after all he was much younger the last time we moved.  With this in mind, I knew that I KNEW how to do it better.  He knew that he was stronger and more adept at calculating spatial relationships, this was a fact in his mind.

After a few minutes of growing impatient and frustrated with each other we stopped and put the box spring down.  I applied the sequence I’ve been writing about and saw the whole scene from a very comical perspective.

As a mom, I have to say that it is emotionally confusing to have a 5’11’’ husky voiced young man directing me when I’m remembering toting this same creature around on my hip.  I basically fell apart with joy and appreciation for my son who I was fighting it out with over a box spring.  I had to put the box spring down from laughing at our antics and my refusal to admit that I am in the “letting him go watching him fly” stage of parenthood…gut wrenching and glorious both.

I was filled with appreciation for myself first, noticing that I was choosing to love myself enough to break the cycle of tension building between myself and my son. I next appreciated him for helping; he was offering direction, trusting in his male orientation to the task and all about conquering the box spring!

I took a breath and recognized the gifts of the moment.  With renewed energy, an agreement to work as a team and a heart full of gratitude we proceeded to win our battle over the box spring.  At the street level he carried the box spring off by himself to the dumpster, proud of his ability to be more efficient without my “help.”

The gleam in his eye was worth a lifetime of great moments to me.  Appreciation can go a long way.

Next week I’ll share about the final step in our sequence: “Responding”.

To learn more about Danae’s private consultation work or upcoming Teleseminar / Webinars please visit www.TheBreathingLife.com

N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction

Welcome back to this 7 part series on  N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction.  This week I’m going to write about the fifth letter in our acronym, “E.”

The letter “E” in N.U.C.L.E.A.R. stands for “Engaging.”  The application is about participating in a new moment of energy after letting go; it’s about engaging the fresh energy.  We arrived at letting go of all energy, perceptions and anticipated movement after noticing and understanding what is happening with ourselves and another when we get triggered.  We already went through the steps of making choices about what direction to focus on, namely love or fear.

In last week’s story, Meg went in to the silence, the emptiness and took a moment of rest after letting go in her interaction with Dave.  She waited in the spacious emptiness and in so doing found an inspiration arising.  The inspiration was an intuitive insight which allowed her to see the dynamic with her husband Dave from a fresh perspective.

Meg felt a tangible presence of compassion arise within her.  She was being engaged from within, from love’s purpose moving her.  Words born from this place filled her heart and mind.   Once engaged inwardly, she offered this gift to Dave, she engaged him in her new found energy.  She shared her aliveness and gifted the moment between them.

One of the important pieces of experiencing new, engaging energy is to take a moment to cherish the experience for what it is.  There is fresh energy, love’s movement and the gift that this brings to self, namely freedom, aliveness and permission to show up.

When we taste this for ourselves it tends to bring healing. Not only can we see the “other” in a new light, we can see ourselves this way too and often this is a moment of self-renewal.

Moving to engage another from this self-resourced place is incredible, especially if we offer the engagement from a place of humility.  Humility allows us to offer the gift without reaching for power over the moment, ourselves or another.  It is easy to think that since we are having a “magnificent moment” that we’re in a power position over the other.  This is what I call “mistake” thinking.  We have been given a gift from within and we are in a position to offer it up.  It also works best to be un-attached to the results of the offering.

Meg didn’t crumble when she saw that her offering was not received by Dave.  She was engaged in the love, being filled by its living presence and relaxing in its renewal.  This piece is precious in terms of communication dynamics.

Meg was present as a fountain of love, regardless of Dave’s capacity to fully receive her gift in the moment. She made the choice to humbly share, rest in the experience and move on.  She didn’t lose love’s power by placing the value of her gift in his possession.

Too many times we place our self-worth in the hands of another.  Too many times we require validation from outside of us.  Too little do we allow ourselves to receive the love we really want to feel from within our own inner self.

Receiving love from another, exchanging love with another,  is a treasure to be held gently.  We all have the basic need to feel loved, however it is not anybody else’s job to cause us to feel loveable.  We can enjoy swimming in the sweetness of the gifts of one another’s lovingness.  However, if we are looking for love outside, instead of from within, to fill us, then it’s like the old song says, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.”

Next week I’ll share about the next step in our sequence: Appreciating.

To learn more about Danae’s private consultation work or upcoming Teleseminar / Webinars please visit www.TheBreathingLife.com

N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction

Welcome back to this 7 part series on  N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction.  This week I’m going to write about the fourth letter in our acronym, “L.”

The letter “L” in  N.U.C.L.E.A.R. stands for “letting go.”  The application is about letting go of all energy, perceptions and anticipated movement after noticing and understanding what is happening with ourselves and another when we get triggered and after making choices about what direction to focus on, namely love or fear.

Most of us don’t like to let go.  We get caught up in our attachments and letting go can feel like giving up.  Letting go is not giving up.

When we let go in the moment of anything we’re attached to a bigger space opens.  There is room to breathe, and space to feel.

Usually we don’t want to let go because our identity is invested in who we show up as and most of us have a healthy dose of a need for control so letting go can feel like crazy making.

Once we’ve arrived at this place in the N.U.C.L.E.A.R. sequence we’ve done a good investigation of what is happening.  We’ve noticed the energy, understood what is happening within ourselves, and hopefully with another and we’ve made some choices about how we want to handle the dynamic of having been triggered.

Letting go is informing.  In that moment of release, something else opens beyond our investment to take control.  Often what opens, if we really relax is inspiration, insight and a feeling of freedom.  When we let go, we can feel in to the endless possibilities of the creative energy of the moment without agenda.  Usually energy that is discordant or tight will seek resolve. Letting go opens these doors.

Meg was on fire from an interaction with her husband. The issue between them was old and tiresome.  Day after day, for weeks and years on end they were hooked in to a dynamic where she felt exasperated at trying to be his cheerleader.  Dave would often seek Meg’s approval and support whenever he felt low self-esteem.  While she loved him and believed in him, she found it exhausting to try and convince him of his goodness and value when he didn’t want to believe it himself.

During their interaction Meg noticed that she was feeling triggered.  She stopped and took an inventory of what was happening with her breathing, it was quickening with anxiety.  She noticed her thoughts, “Oh, here we go again I’m going to feel like the life is being sucked out of me trying to lift his mood while he fights me every inch of the way.  Why does he do this, why do I?”

 Meg understood that she felt anxious and resistant to the roles they were about to play and decided to make another choice.  She chose to freeze the moment, and get clear on her part in it.  What Meg felt moved to do was to name the dynamic out loud to both of them.  Dave was very surprised when she did so.  Meg offered it this way, “Honey, you know I love you and believe in you.  I feel like you are expecting me to cheer lead you in to believing in yourself right now.  This is something we’ve done for years.  When I do that, you resist and frankly it’s tiring for me to try and get you to take stock in yourself.  I just don’t want to do this.”

 Dave wasn’t on the same page as Meg, he was invested in the dynamic.  He was also already resisting his own power and value and therefore didn’t have much room to hear what Meg had just proposed.  He looked at her imploringly waiting for her to participate in this unconscious game.

Meg decided to let go. She stood before Dave not saying a word and not moving in any particular direction mentally, emotionally or psychologically.  She breathed in to her own body, relaxed and found her way to let go of the expectation and fear of disappointment that hung in the space.

When Meg let go it was an energetic feeling, like dropping weight.  She didn’t have anything to go on, she just rested in the blankness, enjoying the relief of the heaviness.  As she breathed she noticed Dave wasn’t really with her but was engaged in a suspended anticipation of her best words.

Meg looked at Dave and waited.  A wave of inspiration arose from within her and she suddenly had the capacity to see this age old issue from a different place.  It dawned on her that Dave was truly the only one who could heal this place of pain within him and that it wasn’t actually her job to make it better.  Her heart opened with compassion for him as she realized she could not do this piece for him, it was his to do, she was not responsible.  Her heart opened in compassion for herself, for all the times she had tried.

Meg, free of any defense and clearly seeing, spoke this to Dave, “I’m sorry this is so painful for you and I know you want me to make this better but I can’t.  Dave, when you’re ready to know that you’re worthy of believing in, then we can approach this from a new place.  I’m going to leave this with you now.”

Meg kissed Dave on the cheek, gave him a love filled hug and walked away.  Dave was left to be with the space made in Meg’s refusal to engage.   Meg walked out of a metaphoric prison cell,  leaving the door open in an act of kindness to them both.

The end result, after some time, was that Dave had the room to recognize that what Meg said was the most loving gift she could offer.  Underneath his need for her to save him, he met the true hero waiting for him all along…his belief in himself.  Once Dave recognized that this truly was an inside job, he began a path of true healing and self-regard.

Next week I’ll share about the next step in our sequence: Engaging.

To learn more about Danae’s private consultation work or upcoming Teleseminar / Webinars please visit www.TheBreathingLife.com

N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction

Welcome back to this 7 part series on  N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction.  This week I’m going to write about the third letter in our acronym, “C.”

The letter “C” in  N.U.C.L.E.A.R. stands for “choices.”   The application is about bringing choices to the moment after noticing and understanding what is happening with ourselves and another when we get triggered.

It’s interesting to note that sometimes we prefer to be “right” instead of at peace.  Funny thing about human beings.  Sometimes our self-worth is protected by our defensive behavior, and therefore we take a position to prove that we are correct.  In this dynamic, usually nobody wins.

If our energy is off and running we can feel like we have no choice but to go with it.  We might think, “Well I just said that thing, now I have to back it up!”  We can get caught in the momentum of defending ourselves and lose sight of the opportunity to make a new choice.

Being at choice means being in touch with our ability to be really present with ourselves, to feel the currents of energy moving, shifting and changing.  From this we can choose freshly what feels like the truth, that is, if our aim is harmony over being right!

It’s good to stop the action and feel in to our choices when we can.  These questions can be useful guides:

“What am I actually after right now, what are the results I want?”

“Do I need to stay with my defenses or can I give myself permission to shift gears?”

“What would happen if I reached for forgiveness, harmony, and peace right now?”

These questions can help us to recognize that choices are at hand.

I remember an interaction with my Mom years ago.  She is small and hard of hearing so sometimes her voice can come across harsh sounding.  The harshness in her voice is mainly because she can’t hear herself so well.

My Mom was visiting from out of state and I had had a stress full day.  It was dinner time and I was already famished.  I have one of those body types that requires food almost immediately once hungry so I can come across as tense.

She asked if I was ready for dinner.  I read her meaning as, “Are you going to make dinner now?”   I responded from my stressed state that I couldn’t possibly start making dinner with how hungry I already was and how maxed I felt.  To this she replied with amore concentrated tone, ‘I didn’t ask you if you were going to make dinner, I asked if you were ready for dinner.”

I perceived she was frustrated and “yelling” at me as opposed to just trying to make herself heard internally, and externally.  My stress levels went up.

Once it became clear that she was trying to take me out for dinner, we were on our way in a car and I was feeling quite tense.  The story I was in was why we “always” had such a hard time understanding one another, aside from her hearing loss.  I was upset, and I thought she was too.

It dawned on me that perhaps I was just caught up in my story of old and that my low blood sugar was affecting my sense of things. I started feeling in to my choices: I could remain tense and perceive her in that space or I could actually investigate what was going on.  I knew that a good meal was on its way and that felt calming, plus I had grabbed a snack to hold me over!

I chose to give up my position of defense and the need to point to “how busy” I was, justifying my non-availability to cook. (read: I’m right to not have to cook after my hectic day).

I asked my Mom what her experience of our exchange was, I wanted to know if she was upset.  She was surprised that I thought she was upset, she thought we were simply heading out for a nice meal now that our direction was clear.  She never thought of herself as “yelling.”

That moment of reaching for the truth of our exchange instead of seeking to remain in a defensive posture set me free.  I recognized that by choosing to aim for harmony and peace, that’s exactly what I received.  I was free from the story, the projection and the tension.  I was also now present in the moment with my Mom, ready to enjoy an evening out and that was an important gift for me.

Remembering to check out our choices for how to navigate our energy is an opportunity for a fresh start.  We never know what gifts await us in the land of choices.

Next week I’ll share about the next step in our sequence: Letting go.

To learn more about Danae’s private consultation work or upcoming Teleseminar / Webinars please visit www.TheBreathingLife.com