N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction

Welcome back to this 7 part series on  N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction.  This week I’m going to write about the second letter in our acronym, “U.”

The letter “U” in  N.U.C.L.E.A.R. stands for “understanding.”   The application is about bringing understanding after noticing what occurs when we get triggered.

Taking the time to tune in and understand what is happening with ourselves when triggered is a gift.  Understanding allows us to self-resource, to start to respond to ourselves instead of react.  We’re often reactive because we don’t know what’s going on.  Most people don’t feel safe when they don’t know what’s going on.  Understanding brings relief from the “unknown.”

Once triggered we usually have an urge to react with defense, a need to protect ourselves, perhaps justify our position.  Our inquiry in these triggers is what brings insight and gives us choices.

Here’s an example:  Clarice found Don’s ad on Craig’s List for housing.  After having a successful conversation with Don by phone she decided to see the rental space.  During this visit she and Don were able to discuss details, make verbal agreements and conclude that they wanted to go forward with becoming housemates.

Clarice knew she had one month to organize and move.  Don was extraordinarily busy and unavailable to communicate further for a couple of weeks.

When Clarice checked back in with Don by e-mail after the two weeks, she found that he was presenting points that weren’t congruent with their last discussion. Don’s new ideas were in fact going to make the arrangement no longer a possibility.

Clarice was triggered.  She was caught in her reaction which went something like this: “What? Where is he coming from? Why is he changing the story? Men are so unreliable!  Now I have to figure out where to live and I don’t have the time to!”  Her heart was pumping and her body was in “red alert.”  To her, it was a matter of survival.

Clarice remembered to notice that she was in reaction.  She slowed everything down with deep breaths and let the energy of panic dissipate. She did an inquiry on the spot by asking the following question, “What am I actually reacting to here, what’s my story? How old am I right now? Am I feeling unsafe?”  

 As Clarice showed up for herself with this loving intent to reach for compassion and understanding, her energy shifted.  She became aware of her underlying beliefs that were firing up, causing this reaction.

She recognized that she had a long history of feeling desperate and scared when it came to moving.  She recalled moving away from her best friends and most of her family when she was a little girl.

With this insight, Clarice understood that the little girl in her was panicking.  In response to this, she chose to “be there” for this part of herself by affirming that she would handle the situation in her adulthood and find out what was truly happening with Don. Now that she had a better understanding of what was happening within her, Clarice could respond instead of react to Don.

Clarice reviewed the initial agreements she and Don had made and sent a list for him.  In her new capacity to respond instead of react it dawned on her that perhaps Don was overwhelmed from his last two weeks and wasn’t clear about what they’d discussed. She also realized that their verbal agreements were never written down.

When Don received this clear review of what they had agreed to he was grateful and apologetic.  He shared that he doesn’t track verbal conversations well and needs written details.  He also shared that he was dealing with some unexpected emergencies during his two weeks and that these things threw him off.

Don appreciated Clarice’s gift in presenting facts, written out for his review.  This action allowed him to re-group, recognize their agreements and become present to the opportunity at hand.

Being back on course, Clarice felt relieved and also proud of herself for taking the time to reach for self-love and understanding, beyond her fear based triggers.

Don felt grateful for and was happy to stand by these initial agreements. He also appreciated the lack of judgment coming from Clarice.  He had been uncomfortable about his “weakness” in not tracking or being well organized.

Together, Clarice and Don went forward with kindness, clarity and understanding.  They also learned that a simple solution like words on paper were supportive to both of them!

Understanding oneself first and then applying understanding to another will often elevate everyone involved.

Next week I’ll share about the next step in our sequence: choices.

To learn more about Danae’s private consultation work or upcoming Teleseminar / Webinars please visit www.TheBreathingLife.com.

N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction

Before I dive in to the first installment of the 7 part series on  N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction, I’d like to repeat a few thoughts from the introductory blog.

When I received this unexpected message from Guidance, I recognized that I was being “taught” a sequence for navigating energy when personal buttons are pushed and the trigger is really hot…like “I want to throw things at you” kind of hot.

I was shown that through this sequence of steps, anyone can have the capacity to choose how to organize their experience when triggered.   This offering of insight suggested that these steps can be applied to one’s internal relationship with oneself first.  The same steps can then be applied with another person in an interaction.

When applying this sequence, I noticed it pulled me back from assumptions and projections in the moment and afforded me a spacious feeling.  This allowed me to explore what was actually occurring in the moment instead of being lost in or attached to my story of what was happening.  It gave me a “clear lenses” through which to see, feel and respond to the dynamic at hand.

Now let’s begin with the acronym letter of this week’s blog.  The letter “N” in  N.U.C.L.E.A.R. stands for “noticing.”   The application is about noticing what occurs when we get triggered.

What happens when our buttons get pushed and we find ourselves, like a changeling, moving from balanced, pleasant person to explosive head hunter in less than a minute?  Even the most enlightened of us have this capacity.  It makes humanness colorful.

Noticing what is happening takes courage, presence and willingness.  It is much easier to run with the wrath of reaction and spew than it is to care enough to take stock of exactly what it is that’s been triggered.  How do we do this one small step?

A long, deep and full breath (repeated as necessary) allows us to decompress from the fight or flight response that is typically the “what” of what gets triggered.  We tend to suddenly feel unsafe, and that puts us in defense which physiologically means “fight or flight” reaction.

Once we are on this hyper alert, we are ready to leap in to action.  This action usually comes pouring out of our mouths as yelling, blaming, desecrating and otherwise attempting to kill off the enemy…which often is someone we love.

Wild isn’t it?

When we take that first breath we can check in with ourselves and actually notice what is going on.  Here are three initial questions we can ask ourselves that can help with “noticing”

1) “Am I feeling judged, blamed, criticized, confronted and thereby unsafe?”

2) “Is my heart rate up, am I afraid?”

3) “Are my adrenals pumping, do I want to attack this person verbally or physically?”

Here’s another four questions to follow up with:

1) “Do I believe that my ONLY choice is to react or can I explore my experience for a moment or two and see if there are more choices?”

2) “Am I literally unsafe or am I feeling unworthy, unlovable, less than or inadequate?”

3) “Do I feel a need to defend or justify myself and to also make the other person wrong?”

4) “How can I be here for myself right now, in this moment?”

That last question is the pearl, ‘How can I be here for myself right now, in this moment?”

So much happens when we get triggered aside from the chemical reaction in the body.  We often have subconscious beliefs that go something like this: “I’m not enough,” “I’m unlovable, unworthy and even undeserving.”  When someone brings us an opportunity to make direct contact with these feelings we often want to lash out because these self-judgments hurt.

Believe it or not, it’s really okay to stop all interaction when triggered, to take a breath (or two, or ten) and to call for a moment of silence to create a space to go within and check on ourselves to see what is actually happening inside.

It is often the case that the undercurrents of guilt, shame, blame and criticism of ourselves is what is being stirred.  This stir is a call to love, and that’s how we can show up for ourselves.  We may not be able to get completely clear in that instant, however we can show up in love for ourselves right on the spot.

Showing up for ourselves can look different for each of us.  My version would go something like this,”Look, I’m really triggered right now and I’m feeling defensive and unsafe.  I need a moment here without interacting so I can check in with myself.”  From there, I would breathe deep and slow and feel everything that is happening, physically and emotionally.  This would give me space to move toward understanding of what is happening in my own system.

Here’s a recent example: A close friend, meaning well, offered his opinions about my latest life choices.  These choices took a lot of work for me to make, a lot of soul searching.  When his opinion countered my decisions, I felt like yelling the following at him; “Try and do a better job if you know so much, you figure it out!”

I took a breath and noticed my impulse to react.  I let my friend know what I was feeling and then took a few minutes to process my experience.  I realized that I was still feeling scared and insecure about the conclusions I reached. I was also trying to march bravely on and didn’t want my conclusions tampered with as that placed me in direct contact with my feelings of insecurity.

I presented this to my friend who listened to my honesty instead of receiving the force of my reaction.  The compassion that arose between us was beautiful and I realized I had more to investigate about my choices.  My friend realized that he really wanted to support me and didn’t know how.

Noticing first what is happening within ourselves can bring a harmonious, more conscious interaction and also steer us clear of creating further hurt.

Next week I’ll go in to the next step in the application of this sequence with the letter “U.”

For those interested in participating in an interactive live class on this, I will be offering a 7 Part Teleconference Course on this N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Reaction beginning Wednesday, May 11^th.  For more information please visit www.TheBreathingLife.com.

It started off as a whisper and then grew into a demand, a loving demand with deep compassion. I had been in bed more than not for about a month the spring of 2011. You could say I was experiencing a healing crisis and major ego death. It was physical in nature and it invited me to look at my thoughts around physical death. Was this “it?” I was being asked to come clean. Lots to think about when thinking about death: Would I feel fulfilled? Did I live my life to it’s fullest? What came to me consistently was that I wanted to do my music more and offer my spiritual work more. Over and again, this awareness came loud and clear.

I healed slowly but surely and found myself out and about after two months of morphing through this transformation. On the wings of many friends prayers, my own coming to terms with “me” and of course a great dose of grace, I was grateful to have my energy back and be on my way. But, where?

“What do you want?” the voice invoked, “choose.” All I knew is that I wanted to be further immersed in my music and offering my spiritual work in the world. I didn’t know HOW. I was facing financial hardship after all that time of not seeing clients or students. I didn’t know if I had the energy to take up my professional practice like before. What did I want? Mostly to be held and cared for; to continue to rest and heal, and to somehow live in the fulfillment of the divine design of my life. I wanted music, spirituality and community.

I was certain that the divine design had a lot to do with these three pieces. I was certain that I was still a single Mom needing to provide for my son and I. I was certain I didn’t have the same energy of fire for producing events anymore. How to proceed? “What do you want?” Spirit asked again. “Geez! I’m working on that!” I retorted.

I decided to pull out a program I developed and to start doing it. It’s funny how I can fall off the wagon of doing the very things I teach others. So, I began my focus on Soul Centered Wealth. It took me inside myself and I became more clear.

I decided what I wanted and named it this way: “I intend for the divine design of my life to fulfill itself effortlessly, beautifully and by grace. I feel that music and spiritual mentoring are my deepest joys. I love being connected deeply in community. I choose to allow this to unfold in a way that brings a wealthy, healthy and fun life to my son and I. I KNOW that God is my supply and source and this is given automatically regardless of circumstances and conditions. I KNOW that nothing can stand between my good and my capacity to receive my good. So God, cause me to receive my good in gentle and lovely ways. I want the insecurity about receiving, that is programmed in my personality, to be re-trained through direct experiences of receiving. Now would be good, thank you!”

Shortly after this, which means June 2011 through the end of August, the following took place.
My son and I moved into a very delightful living situation in Boulder. This now allows him to get to and from high school independently as well as to get to all of his friends on his own. My overhead is down by %50 and I now live next door to the Chapel where I teach my voice students and give monthly breath workshops. Better wealth, more community? Yes.

My music partner Bob and I just spent the last year recording 40 interactive healing sessions set to transformative music. We were giving them away on my site www.thebreathinglife.com People kept reporting really wonderful experiences. Out of nowhere an old colleague showed up in my life, and with this reunion came an invitation to market our work through her networks as “for sale” product. This would allow my spiritual work to go forward without my body having to go with it. After many years of flying all over the country this sounded good to me. The product launched in September. More health & wealth? Yes.

Bob and I met a new music partner Ted, who brought Sanskrit chants to us which included his own English translations. In Kirtan singing, this is somewhat rare. Ted had an inspiration to record a demo and shop it to different labels. This was a new area for both Bob and I and our hearts said “Yes!” I found myself having a most healing time laying down my vocals, merging sound with Ted’s voice and Bob’s instrumentation. That demo was turned in to a CD and is now for sale through our websites. More music? Yes.

At July’s end I was strong enough to go on a retreat I had planned nine months earlier. It was a spiritual retreat to Mt. Shasta, California and different clients and friends had signed up to take my program. On this retreat, I enjoyed hiking to the waterfalls, lakes and hot springs. This was a blessing since part of what took me down in the spring also tampered with my knee stability, and hiking wasn’t something I could take for granted.

Also on the retreat, my almost 15 year old son re-met a young woman he had met earlier in the year. This young woman happens to be the daughter of my good friend. My son spoke of her on and off throughout the summer. My friend and her daughter flew out with my son and I to go to retreat. Our teenagers experienced “being met” for the first time in their young lives by a peer who “matches” them. Watching them grow in to their friendship together was a joy to behold and touched all of us. More fun, community and offering my spiritual work? Yes.

Back home in Boulder from retreat, “What do you want?” “I want more of THAT, THAT was heaven!!!”

The bar for my life had been raised. I wanted everything I felt and experienced in Mt. Shasta to take root in my life in Boulder. Suprisingly, I fell in to three days of a dark mood. I was trying to figureout how to make it happen. I was like a caged tiger going in circles. “What do you want?” I was asked again. I admit it; I was yelling back, “I want my life to feel here like it did there! THAT’S what I want; I don’t know HOW to make it like that, that’s what I want!”

As soon as I gave up my war for control and decided I also want an EASEFUL existence, I was inspired to re-start my Soul Centered Wealth program, again. Everything started moving in to place.

A local couple who had enjoyed some of my breath workshops felt inspired to help move my work out into the world. They are now organizing my breath workshops. They are starting to dream on how to build momentum for the Mt. Shasta 2012 retreat as are the 2011 Mt. Shasta retreat participants. More community, wealth and ease? Yes.

In early September a local music school took me on as a vocal coach. This felt like a good thing. Then they lost half of their voice students with school starting which left me with only a couple of lessons each week and this wasn’t enough for me.

“What do you want?”

“Why do you keep asking me that?”

“The more clear you become, the more the Universe can respond.”

“I already know that, what do you mean?”

“You think you understand the full meaning of the question, your knowing is getting in your way, search your heart. Are you just accepting what is offered or are you generating what you wish for?”

“Oh!”
I had forgotten about that piece. My guides taught me that angle years ago. Here I was playing victim to the circumstances instead of turning metals into gold, and creating an opportunity where there didn’t appear to be one.

It dawned on me that I did develop a two semester vocal course for teens called Hit the Stage! I had set it aside at the start of this summer. The inspiration came to me to introduce this course to the music school to see if they would be interested. My next thought was that this school is a franchise and most likely it would have to go across the board, not just in Boulder. This brought up my insecurity about being “smart enough” to dare to approach such a big idea. I then remembered to surrender the “how” and lean in to what I want. I decided I wanted to somehow organically be placed in the presence of a decision maker and have the courage to talk about my program. I thought it could take a lot of ladder climbing to get the attention of a franchise owner, so the local manager would be a great start.

Two mornings later I was watching the house band perform for the first time. I had been introduced to“the big guy” a few minutes prior. I assumed this was the manager of the music school. I had only started that week and hadn’t met everyone yet. I was pointing out the techniques that each of the singers could use to up-level their performance and keep their voice intact. I went on to share my ideasabout stage presence and choreography. Mr. Big really enjoyed my input and agreed with my perspectives.

I liked him, he liked my ideas. I found myself talking with him about Hit the Stage! I felt like it was a good practice, to share about it. I wrapped up my sharing with the thought that I wasn’t sure how my program could actually make it through a whole franchise because the owner would have to really love it. Mr. Big smiled broadly and said, “Well that’s not a problem because I am the franchise owner! Introduce your program here in Boulder and if all goes well, we’ll talk!” More fun, wealth, community and music? Yes.

“What do you want?” I am asked. “To be more awake to creating my choices rather than just responding to those presented!” I happily shouted.

I wrapped up the summer with wide eyed wonder at how amazing things can be when I get out of the way AND get clear. I believe this is true for all of us.

CD demo, done. Launch of Evolutions in Consciousness Healing Meditations, done. Presenting program to franchise owner, done. Watching my son come to Mt. Shasta for the first time in his life, done.Having other inspired people volunteer to organize my workshops and trainings, done.Walking, hiking and singing regularly, done.

More music, offerings of my spiritual work and more community, all with ease? Yes!

Did I see all this coming when down in my bed back in the spring, wondering how long my life would extend? Absolutely not.

“What do you want?” “I want friends to take inspiration from my experiences and see the mirror of their own self. I want them to see the option of creating from their hearts not just responding to the choices given. That’s what I want!”

I will continue to answer the question freshly for myself as I grow. What I’m curious about now is:“What do YOU want?”

All Blessings ~
Danae

Who are You and What Do You Want?

An article for dating camp

Let’s face it, there’s a lot to sort through.  We are multi-faceted people with depth, dimension and a whole range of personalities, styles and preferences.  The more successful dates happen when we know who we are and what we want.  Think of this is a screening process.

It’s empowering to know what who we are and what we want.  This clarity creates confidence and direction and that in itself is a gift to us and to prospective dates.

Let’s take Susan for example.  Susan knew she was ready for the “real deal.”  Her goal was to meet a man who could match her passion for the arts, share in her world travel adventures and engage in sophisticated, gala events.

Susan knew she valued spiritual ideals as well as family.  She also knew that having children wouldn’t be on her agenda for another 7 years.   Her past experiences with men who were “nesting” types helped her learn that her direction didn’t match the men of that lifestyle.

When Susan received a “high level match” from the dating service she was very excited. She first noticed how attractive Ben was.  She liked his communication style and his sense of humor.  His age and geographical location all met her qualifications.  He was sweet, smooth and debonair.  He was also world traveled and followed a spiritual path.

With great anticipation, Susan read more about Ben, and learned that he was an organic gardener and bee keeper. His roots and stability were important to him and he had had his fill of world travel.  Ben wanted to start a family within a couple of years, stay home and share his cozy lifestyle with his beloved.

Susan felt that old familiar feeling of wanting to contact Ben “just in case” it would be different in person than what she’d read.  She noticed that inclination and asked herself an important question, “Do I want to try and change this person to meet my agenda, or do I trust in myself that I know what I want and where I’m heading and let this match go?”

Over the past five years, Susan had learned to truly value herself. She had become clear on whom she was and what she wanted and these things for her were non-negotiable.  Her clarity about staying with her plan outweighed her propensity for romanticizing this potential connection.  By making this choice she honored herself and didn’t waste Ben’s time.  She let the match go and moved on.

Any of us could be in Susan’s shoes.  Sometimes the wish for love and partnership can pull us off of our trajectory.  The difficulty with getting distracted is that the core things we value will surface after a time, they always do.

By being clear about what matters most to her, Susan is sure to meet a man who  aligns with her energy naturally and overall, this will be great for both parties involved.

~

Before entering the dating realm it’s good for us to do a personal inquiry.  Susan stayed true to herself and so can we.  The following eight questions are guideposts and may inspire a deeper inquiry to help us get to know who we are and what we want relative to ourselves and dating:

1)    What am I most passionate about and committed to in my life?

2)    What are my spiritual or religious beliefs and do I need someone to share in this with me?

3)    Do I believe in myself and trust myself in guiding my own life?

4)    Am I flexible in my thinking or committed to an agenda already in place for where my life is heading?

5)    Have I completed on past relationships or is there more closure work to do?

6)    What are my needs emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, sexually and for my overall lifestyle?

7)    Do I want children in my life and if so how and when?

8)    Do I want to be with someone similar to me or different?

Many of us have to learn to take stock in ourselves, it doesn’t necessarily come automatically.  We all have inner critics as well as inner champions and these impact they way we perceive ourselves and influence whether or not we feel loveable and valuable.

Getting to know ourselves intimately is a primer for getting to know another person.  If we come to a connection as self-resourced adults then there is less attachment to trying to get our needs met through someone else.  There is also more enjoyment in receiving someone for who they truly are without our hidden agendas for them.

Dating is an adventure with many flavors to it.  If we are open to it, we can feel ourselves against the presence of another soul, and sense whether a connection has true potential or not.

When we are self-resourced, we have the space to do a screening process before agreeing to meet with someone.  If we still feel to meet them, then we have the capacity to really receive them in who they are because we’re not hoping to be “completed” by them.  Instead, we’re focused on the amazing fullness that can happen when two people who know who they are and what they want come together.

When the path is clear, each person can enjoy the dating experience for the gifts that it brings, just the way it is.

Taking Your Power Back! Learn to listen to your inner wisdom and manage your power concsiously. – 5 Part Class,  only $100 – Mon Eve’s  6:30 PDT  May 23, 30  June  6,13, 20 – Taking your power back and listening to your winner wisdom is something most of us need to practice, practice and practice until we get good at it!  How many times have you lost energy in an exchange with someone, found yourself handing your power to someone else hoping to get your needs met…or in professional situations, finding your self over powered by a boss or co-worker?  This class promises to provide practical tools for how to take better care of your energy, choices and interactions. Learn to receive support from your inner wisdom and to take your power back! Registration info coming soon!

Listen to Danae’s show on Taking Your Power Back on www.Skyradio.com “Living Through Spirit” with host Tesa Michaels Thurs 5/12 3:00 PDT.

What are you Dreaming of for Your Life in 2011?

Would you like to build your energy for actualizing your dreams along with others who are fully committed to actualizing theirs?

Would you mind if other people added their energy to “see” your dreams come to life?

Please join me in a celebration of “2011-What I’m Calling In”  by posting your vision on my site, The Breathing Life.  To join in the fun and empower your dreams and others,  please register for free by “Clicking Here”.  We will build the energy toward actualizing our visions together as a loving community.  After registering, you may post your intentions at the Actualization Zone.  If you don’t receive the password for posting your dreams immediately, please e-mail me and I’ll send it to you!

ONLY REGISTRANTS will be able to participate! To register now, “CLICK HERE!“

If you are already registered and would like to view the dream posts, “CLICK HERE!”

I am also offering a Free “Actualization Zone” Teleconference  on the eve of Sunday, January 2nd, 2011 to take us deep into the energetics of materializing our visions.  Further detail on this teleconference will be sent soon.

This is your invitation to a real energized ‘Love-In” so jump on in and let’s play!

Showers of Blessings,
Danae Shanti
Danae@TheBreathingLife.com

Phone sessions available internationally

“Danae is a gifted channel of Divine Love and Light.  I have experienced her work twice now via telephone and both times have been quite beautiful and healing experiences.  I can hardly wait to experience this work in person!“  ~ Deborah Nickel, AHAA, CA

“In the span of two days from the Tele-class, women who both know and love me and women I haven’t yet met, made contact saying that I had “come to” their minds.  Each offered connection in ways that I had been longing for.

My sister, who hasn’t spoken to me in two years, sent an e-mail telling me “thanks” for something I did for her long ago.  Eight new contacts called, a new client called (having obtained my name from someone I haven’t met), requesting my service, exactly as I had been wishing to offer it, completely fulfilling my prayer.

I was not trying to “manifest”, rather, I let myself become *bigger* and opened my energy for others to experience.  It was a vulnerable experience for me.  I had no idea that this practice would be so far reaching…More please! “  ~ Laura, CO

This Transmission highlights the sacred relationship with the inner beloved and what it is to live as a cup of overflowing love in one’s own life. It speaks to the purpose of Soul Family, Soul Mate, Twin Ray connections and the I Am Soul Consciousness. Listeners will be guided in a powerful anchoring of their own I AM frequency to grounding their Soul’s Full Radiance, Guidance and Direction in to their physical lives. Excellent journey for all!

Due to numerous requests we are making the complete audio from this amazing event available for purchase.  To listen to a brief sound byte and/or purchase this audio, “Click Here!”